Ways your childhood may impact your romantic relationship!

Relationships with your parents has the biggest influence in how you develop relationships with others. Our parents are technically the first people we bond with, that  keeps us grounded as individuals, confident and secure in ourselves. As a mental health counselor major, I have taken a few classes that addresses how your childhood does impact your romantic relationship. Some may not think your childhood experiences effects how we operate as adults, but it actually does. Realizing these effects, may help you realize you need to work on some aspects of yourself.

Below are five ways your childhood may impact your romantic relationship.

#1 Trust 

family-620x452-e1536031927474.jpg

Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship and Ive always said, if a couple doesn’t trust one another the relationship may suffer. When adults struggle with trusting issues, it may be rooted from past ruptures with the people we were supposed to trust; our parents. If your parents neglected, abandoned, abused, or criticized you while growing up, this can create a relationship that was conditional. We’ve always been taught that our parents or caretakers is suppose to care for us unconditionally.

#2 Intimacy

being-on-a-break-in-a-relationship1-1493043838

If you find yourself struggling with any form of intimacy or feeling uncomfortable being vulnerable, it could be due to having difficulty opening up and being yourself. Levels of intimacy and vulnerability are built on the foundation of trust. If you have ever felt misunderstood, felt dismissed, or struggled with feeling disappointment by your parents, these can play a huge role in our adulthoood and innate reactions to emotion.

I must intimacy is something I have personally struggled with. I didn’t really know how to show intimacy to my partner but I have gotten better overtime. Losing my parents at a young age, I didn’t really get that “love” every child needs from their parents. My family members weren’t the kind of person to say “I love you” everyday or show affection, so as I got into relationships, I didn’t know how to express myself intimately.

#3 No Emotional Attachment

The-Strength-of-an-Attachment-Relationship

Adults who displays no emotional attachment in a relationship most likely experienced severe abuse, neglect, loss of a parent from death, divorce, or removal by child protective services. These adults tend to see their partners as objects that can be used to meet their needs. They can use any and all of the love languages, whichever ones their target responds to best.

Behaviors learned in abusive homes carry into adulthood which serves as reminders of what is normal in a relationship and may avoid becoming vulnerable to any and all emotional connection.

#4 Attention-Seeking

0612child

Children who are constantly “turning up” in their emotional expression to gain attention from their parents or do whatever it takes to get someone’s focused attention has developed an insecure-ambivalent attachment style. A person with insecure-ambivalent attachment in his adult life wants his partner to be always with him.

Have you ever experienced an immediate panic or fear that your partner is moving away, leaving you, or have an emotional dependence on your partner? It may be so extreme that when your partner goes out with friends, the other will want to be there. It has been explained that the reason some children develops this attachment style is because the child grows up in an environment where parents leave and then come back to the relationship again and again.

#5 Relationship with mother or father

adoptiveparents_pixabay_759-422

Your relationship with your mother typically determined all your future relationships affect your sense of security and well-being in adulthood. For example, a man’s relationship with his mother determined how he will respond to romantic relationships and how he treats his significant other.

We often unconsciously respond to other people who remind us of our parents which is called transference. The way a man or woman feels towards their mother or father will transfer to their partner. The way a child’s father treats his/her mother is a reflection on what you think may be appropriate in your relationship. I think it is important to display a positive relationship as a parent.

 

 

 

 

 

48 comments

  1. Melissa says:

    I definitely believe that your childhood can play a part in you later relationships. My childhood has helped my ability to have a strong marriage. However, it is also possible with the Lords help, to have a very good relationship even though your childhood was very rough. It can be overcome.

    Like

  2. You could NOT be more correct. I think we all sort of seek out what we did not have when we were a kid, and try so very hard to get it from our significant other. I am lucky to have found the man I have in my life for sure!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This was such an interesting read. I never considered how our childhood could determine how our adult relationships could go.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I had a happy childhood. No mother or father issues here. But I think aside from your childhood experience, timing is also an essential part of finding a partner. You can’t have a relationship when you’re not ready, happy childhood or not. 🙂

    Like

  5. Deserted_Queen says:

    A difficult childhood may be a trouble in bonding later in life. Because it is a psychological issue.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. krish says:

    Upbringing does impact the relationships as a person grows….the way a child is treated it what he is exposed generally affects his behaviour..
    Very well articulated..
    Thank you

    Like

  7. Joanna says:

    It’s astonishing how many ways the events that happened to you in your childhood can affect your adult life. My parents divorced when I was 11 and for years I had trust issues. I could simply don’t trust anyone but myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lory T says:

      Until I majored in psychology in undergrad I realized how impactful our childhood is. It started making sense on why I behaved the way I did and viewed relationships as an adult.

      Like

  8. This is so true, as the way a man treats his mom speaks a ton and has a lot of impact on his future.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is so true in my family. I grew up with an absent father and I had to learn a lot of things in my relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Amber says:

    I can see how this is true. I had a fairly easy childhood, so I wasn’t too crazy in a romantic relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Francisca Garreton says:

    This is a great post! I believe in the impact of the relationship of the parents with childhood and I only hope I am doing things correctly, somedays I wish there was a manual and a predictable outcome for life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lory T says:

      I wish there was one too, especially when Inhave kids lol. As long as you have a great relationship with your kids, you are doing the right thing 🙂 There are other factors such as the environment and friends that impacts children but as long as you have a good relationship and they can talk to you about anything that’s the most important thing.

      Like

  12. Absolutely my childhood has had an impact on my romantic relationships. Those memories I do remember and probably some things in my subconscious. Intimacy to a certain degree is a challenge for me now and I am sure if I took the time to analyze it I will find my past definitely affected now.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Casey Loo says:

    Love your post. I believe “trust” is the key to successful human relationship in general. Of course trust come in many levels and you should be able to practice it with your day to day interactions with new friends. This will also comes in handy when you meet the love of your life and by then you will have a deeper relationship because you already place that “trust” deeply into their heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Vaibhav Mehta says:

    A MAN’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER defines all his future relationships with the members of the opposite sex. Hmmm…arguable. I dont know, this has got me thinking

    Like

  15. delhifundos2014 says:

    They say that human beings brings their past and put that in their future as in all their decision are based on what happened in past. No wonder anybody can relate to your blog.

    Like

  16. Olga Zak says:

    I love your post. Its very interesting. I believe “trust” is the key to successful human relationship in general. Family backgrounds and childhood has a high impact on relationships deepness.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Jeannine says:

    I love this post from the trust and into the relationship of mother and father .. Its getting be a perfect family

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Deserted_Queen says:

    This is so true. Childhood plays a very important role in how you will behave after growing up. Not only my in romantic relationships, but in every relation. Great post..!!

    Like

  19. SilkEgo says:

    How our brains are shaped during childhood can affect our whole adult life. Exploring your past to understand your future is always a wild adventure

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Everything in this post makes sense to me. The foundation of a relationship stems from past experiences. I know that different issues that I have either relate to my family relations or from elements from relationships past. It never seems easy,does it?

    Liked by 1 person

  21. mommiestalks says:

    I agree with you. we have an image of most closest couple we look . When we will be in relationship we expect to be like the one we saw between out parents. So it’s better to show your positive side of a relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Holly Hood says:

    I believe that one’s childhood can affect their adult life. Some people don’t consider their childhood as being a major factor in how we operate as adults. But I believe it is.

    Like

  23. Heidi says:

    These are interesting thoughts. I’ve never thought about how my and my hubby’s childhoods may affect our relationship. We had vastly different childhoods, so it’s definitely something to think about.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I can 100% guarantee that my childhood has affected my love life. I’m lucky to have found a patient husband who understands it all.

    Like

  25. mrsyoungade says:

    I agree with you, what we experience during our childhood especially what we see on our parents does have an effect on what we want out of a relationship when we get older. That is why it is important to show good and healthy relationship to our kids.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Great points and I agree with you. Your childhood can definitely influence your future relationships. But I also believe that there are people, no matter how negative their past, they can overcome it and have better relationships than what they had in childhood.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Jennifer L says:

    I absolutely agree on all your points. I think our environment growing up really does impact our future in many ways. It definitely takes time, communication, trust and love to combat the emotional and physical baggage we can often bring to a relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Rosey says:

    Detachment hurts everyone. Especially true for the person who is detached!

    Liked by 1 person

  29. momi berlin says:

    I agree that our relationship with our parents greatly affects how we handle romantic relationships in the near future. We may either be secured or doubtful, confident or uncertain.

    Like

  30. Nati says:

    This was a very interesting read! I definitely think the relationship between children and parents affects not only the future romantic relationships but also many other aspects of your life!

    Like

  31. Intentional Husband says:

    This is a really great post, I’ve been doing some counseling lately an it has really helped me to understand how my past impacts my relationship with my wife.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.
%d bloggers like this: