Relationships with your parents has the biggest influence in how you develop relationships with others. Our parents are technically the first people we bond with, that keeps us grounded as individuals, confident and secure in ourselves. As a mental health counselor major, I have taken a few classes that addresses how your childhood does impact your romantic relationship. Some may not think your childhood experiences effects how we operate as adults, but it actually does. Realizing these effects, may help you realize you need to work on some aspects of yourself.
Below are five ways your childhood may impact your romantic relationship.
Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship and Ive always said, if a couple doesn’t trust one another the relationship may suffer. When adults struggle with trusting issues, it may be rooted from past ruptures with the people we were supposed to trust; our parents. If your parents neglected, abandoned, abused, or criticized you while growing up, this can create a relationship that was conditional. We’ve always been taught that our parents or caretakers is suppose to care for us unconditionally.
If you find yourself struggling with any form of intimacy or feeling uncomfortable being vulnerable, it could be due to having difficulty opening up and being yourself. Levels of intimacy and vulnerability are built on the foundation of trust. If you have ever felt misunderstood, felt dismissed, or struggled with feeling disappointment by your parents, these can play a huge role in our adulthoood and innate reactions to emotion.
I must intimacy is something I have personally struggled with. I didn’t really know how to show intimacy to my partner but I have gotten better overtime. Losing my parents at a young age, I didn’t really get that “love” every child needs from their parents. My family members weren’t the kind of person to say “I love you” everyday or show affection, so as I got into relationships, I didn’t know how to express myself intimately.
#3 No Emotional Attachment
Adults who displays no emotional attachment in a relationship most likely experienced severe abuse, neglect, loss of a parent from death, divorce, or removal by child protective services. These adults tend to see their partners as objects that can be used to meet their needs. They can use any and all of the love languages, whichever ones their target responds to best.
Behaviors learned in abusive homes carry into adulthood which serves as reminders of what is normal in a relationship and may avoid becoming vulnerable to any and all emotional connection.
Children who are constantly “turning up” in their emotional expression to gain attention from their parents or do whatever it takes to get someone’s focused attention has developed an insecure-ambivalent attachment style. A person with insecure-ambivalent attachment in his adult life wants his partner to be always with him.
Have you ever experienced an immediate panic or fear that your partner is moving away, leaving you, or have an emotional dependence on your partner? It may be so extreme that when your partner goes out with friends, the other will want to be there. It has been explained that the reason some children develops this attachment style is because the child grows up in an environment where parents leave and then come back to the relationship again and again.
#5 Relationship with mother or father
Your relationship with your mother typically determined all your future relationships affect your sense of security and well-being in adulthood. For example, a man’s relationship with his mother determined how he will respond to romantic relationships and how he treats his significant other.
We often unconsciously respond to other people who remind us of our parents which is called transference. The way a man or woman feels towards their mother or father will transfer to their partner. The way a child’s father treats his/her mother is a reflection on what you think may be appropriate in your relationship. I think it is important to display a positive relationship as a parent.